As we go through life we are unconsciously making adjustments in order to negotiate our environment, whether it is to get what we want, avoid what we don't want, or to just fit in and feel accepted. These adjustments change the way we think and the way we respond to what life throws at us.
Occasionally, we may ask of ourselves why we think differently to how we used to think but mostly we are oblivious to gradual change. So we may be feeling depressed, anxious, even angry, insecure or confused at times and yet find it difficult to recall feeling that way when we were younger.
If we were to stop and take a good look at our current beliefs and opinions, we may well see substantial changes that can give the impression of not being who we used to be. Of course we are still who we have always been because we are who we are and our True Self has always been our True Self. But who we are has been overshadowed by who we have become and we have become who we needed to be in order to negotiate our environment, which includes our culture, our friends and people we have needed to please in order to feel accepted.
All these adjustments will have been made in good faith that they were needed to survive and in many cases they worked. Some maybe worked at the time but although they are no longer needed we seem to hang on to them, even when they can be a hindrance at times. We then make adjustments to manage the adjustments that we no longer need. And so it goes on.
To stop this cycle of adjustment it helps to occasionally stand back and remind ourselves of who the ‘me’ is in our life and who the ‘I’ is when I say “I’m fine” knowing deep down that I’m not fine at all. To become aware of any adjustments we have made we need to find our True Self. If we then make a comparison with who we have become we will then know what we are working with.
So we need to get back to the beginning. For some people life began at birth, for others it may be our first memory. But life actually started at the moment of our conception with any adjustment starting while we were in our mother’s womb. This became our own life experience from then on, developing into the unique individual we have become.
Comparing our True Self with how we think and feel now is the beginning of our turnaround. In engineering this is called calibration, when measuring equipment is periodically checked against a standard measurement, so that any differences that have occurred during usage can be corrected. In the same way, reflecting on our current beliefs and difficulties can help us identify corrections that need to be made in order to restore our True Self.
Self-help is great and gets us started but usually we benefit more by interacting with another person who is willing to explore your own process together without needing to control it. This is where therapy can help.
We were created in relationship and we grow through relationship. Continuing this growth within a relationship where you have the space and freedom to explore your True Self without being judged is the most important step in the healing process.